Pretty Fly

And on this episode of The Substitute... I never know what exactly is in store for me most days but when I take an assignment out of the radius of my circle of comfort it's a little unsettling to say the least.  So I tried to approach going to the small, rough around the edges school as a new adventure sure to be interesting even if it is challenging.  Afterall, I had been a tutor for an inner city school in downtown Columbus, Ohio so how hard could it be?

 "Cool" was the word I kept repeating in my mind and I remained calm throughout the whole day.  Calm with the onslaught of overly ambitious and slightly complicated lesson plans the teacher threw at me at record speed, (mind you I don't know where anything is or any of the students or even what grade they are). Calm with the need to read every problem on a math test to half of the students as they were ADHD and calm when a boy decided to draw me a picture of a pickup truck with a pile of dirt in the bed instead of reading his book.  But dismissal was a whole other experience altogether.

The end of the day is like the last hundred yards of a long run.  You can see the end point and know it's almost over yet you become more  exhausted and ready to collapse with each stride closer.  Your unmanageable classroom of students doubles in size as more kids you don't know run into the room like a bunch of lunatics let loose from a psych ward. Then, you are solely responsible for their safety and for getting each group to their correct destination. You need to take the car riders to the right line,the bus riders on the right bus, and the after school  kids to the right room all while they take off in different directions when the bell rings.  Meanwhile you are left with no idea where to go and no way to be everywhere as it's physically impossible to be in all locations at once.

But before any of this happened there was a bizarre twist; something I will never forget.  Genesis, a green eyed dark skinned fourth grade girl suddenly turns all DJ on me, cranks up the music playlist on the computer that the teacher supposedly plays at the end of every day, and a full fledged dance off went down in the middle of the room.  Kids were flipping in the air and all out breakdancing on the floor. What the hell kind of reality was that?! It was as if I was some much less attractive, non marine version of  Michelle Pfeiffer in the prequel to Dangerous Minds. (Hell, I even have her same hairstyle circa 1995!)I've seen my share of dance offs in gay clubs and they ain't got nothin' on these kids.  I've never seen moves of that caliber in real life ever before and probably never will.  I wish I had my Ipod on me to document it. They would be a YouTube sensation and on The Today show in no time. If education doesn't work out for these kids they all have a future as back up dancers for Lil Wayne.