Breakfast at Saddlebrook

Saddlebrook. It sounds like a country club or some sort of stables where you can tie your horse to an oak tree while you picnic by the water's edge, but it's not.  It's one of the "Top 100 Golf Club Resorts in the Nation"  and it's only five miles from here.  Arnold Palmer even swings his clubs there.  (I've lived in this area for six years and am just now becoming aware of it.)

Judging from the pictures online, it looks pretty upscale, with their lush greens and valet parking and not the kind of place my Honda Accord and I are used to visiting.  However, the adjacent city is having their monthly Chamber of Commerce breakfast and the clinic asked if I would like to attend.  Real life proof that the woman in poster does exist and that you can lose weight and keep it off. 

It feels like the right thing to do, as i can't think of a business that has had more of an impact on my life, but it's still strange for me to be recognized for losing weight.  People don't get that. When I say that I'm still adjusting they think that I'm referring to food or exercise when those changes have all but become habit by now.  What's hard to accept is that the other woman in the before picture is no longer who I am anymore.  I know I don't look like her  yet she's still an undefined presence that shadows me, just as she is in the poster.  My previous picture may not completely resonate with me but neither does my after picture.

 I'm always going to have reminders of my past mistakes no matter what I do to fix them.  I may be able to wear a size 6 now but I don't wear anything sleeveless because I don't want anyone to see the loose skin hanging from my arms.  I can see my hipbones but they're covered in faded stretch marks.  People may be more friendly towards me but I still feel stunted socially.

 I can work on being more outgoing but there's only so much I can do physically.  As I get older, it will matter even less, but right now the fact that I can't undo the damage doesn't seem fair to me. Since I was eight years old,  I've had noticeable figure flaws and that still hasn't changed.  Maybe it sounds trite, but I just want to have what most women my age have.