Hot In Here

There are a lot of hot things here in Land O' Lakes, Florida. The many "lakes", the cows that can't make it to the lakes and (now), a restaurant overlooking the lake. It's a parrothead paradise named after the pirate slang term for "a ne'er-do-well" person, and is actually just a few miles from my home right across from the community center my boys play flag football on. So you would think, (since I live so close), that I would have seen the Man v. Food announcement underneath their sign but I didn't. I only noticed it after the fact.

From what I've read in the paper, Adam took on their signature hot wings. Yet judging from the press photo, (where he appears to have incurred third degree burns to his mouth and surrounding area), I wouldn't bet money on his photo making it onto their "Wall of Pain". He probably can't even speak now or, at the very least, will never need to shave for the rest of his life. This isn't surprising considering that not even the chef can stand to be too close to the appetizer. He needs to tie on a surgical mask to prepare the secret sauce so as not to inhale the fumes as if they're as toxic as a nuclear spill. What are the odds that that this foodie wasn't breathing flames three seconds in?

Dude has a master's from Yale, has conquered 12 pound burgers with the works and towers of pancakes that not even a drunk at IHOP could digest but heat is another beast all unto itself. It's no coincidence that this state is hot as hell and this time I'm afraid he messed with the devil. Really, he could have just tried to stomach their homemade tortillas and salsa. I've tasted this culinary delight before and let's just say that, although not inedible, it's an acquired taste. What about the wings at Hooters? Every man in this state raves about them. (But that could be an excuse to check out the waitresses...)

Lakers here appreciate his efforts to help this city to be known for more than its nudist resort, but at what price? Tune in to the travel channel tomorrow night to make sure he doesn't spontaneously combust.