A Pocketful of Change

For only one hour, while I wondered the downtown streets of Chicago by myself on a perfect summer evening at twilight, I was free to pretend what it would be like if I lived there. Walking around looking at a map gave me the distinctive mark of a tourist, but if I wasn't?  Could I be as cool as all the other hipster chicks with their thick, black framed glasses, tousled tresses, and ultra casual yet expensive sundresses? What if in my idealized scenario, I was a journalist living in a charming little studio apartment, like Carrie from Sex and the City but less dependent and more accomplished?  I would type away, serious substantial news during the day and have drinks at an outdoor cafe with jazzy, blues music drifting in the background at night, right?  Oh and of course I would jog in the park by the lakeside and shop for quirky home goods at the corner artsy store every weekend too. It's probably not quite as glamorous in real life but it's tempting to imagine being a part of place where skyscrapers and ambitions can reach new heights.

But life has other plans for me. It looks like I'm finally going to have a house by the lake with a picket fence in the back to keep the alligators out.  The town is perfect too with it's nationally rated schools taught by Harvard graduates and pristine,family friendly neighborhoods.  You barely here a sound in the middle of the day except for the chirping of birds and I doubt a crime outside of forgetting to wear your seat belt has ever been committed there.

It's definitely a step up from the ultra safe, and peaceful Tampa but I still feel apprehensive about it.  I've lived here for nine years and feel settled here.  My kids have all of their friends here, my husband has coached flag football for years here, and in a strange way, I feel like I have a place here too.  My image still stands by the Medi clinic and has for a few years now and then there's my most challenging student to date, lil' L.  He and his mom have been like an extended, dysfunctional family to me for the last year and it's going to be hard to wave goodbye to him as I walk out his front door that he always holds open for me. I'm even going to miss all the quarters his mother would give me as payment.  I never had much use for them before but now I can use them when I drive on the toll roads to reach our new destination.

 I know I'm moving on to a better life and everything will eventually be fine, so why am I a bundle of hot flashes, migraines, and nausea? The city version of me wouldn't have to experience this. I know I'm not pregnant and I think I still have a few more good years, maybe even a decade until menopause hits. I never thought I would say this, but I'm going to miss the security I have here when I'm gone...

http://youtu.be/cmSbXsFE3l8