Friday, August 12, 2011

The Art of Blogging


Dammit all to Hell Blogspot! I'd be really disappointed in your templates if I was alert enough to care. I couldn't figure out how to edit every line of code and now I'm stuck with your original, boring, old template from 2006! You win, until I have more time to deal with your issues.

I spent two nights in a row awake at infomercial o'clock in the morning trying to import some INTERESTING templates from other sites, only to have them look like something a dyslexic crackhead put together. Copying and pasting a background was the only design element that worked and this beach scene was the only picture that didn't look like an overly cutesy scrapbook page at shabbyblogs. You can tell that's where I went as it's clearly stamped in the upper left hand corner as if they own the copyrights to a stock oceanside photo and my blog...

I just wanted to create something cool that readers would remember in the vast world of blogs.  It's  not enough just to write words to paint a picture  in today's instant cross media culture.  People want a complete experience, to be entertained on all sensory levels which makes adding pictures and audio a must.  (Imagine if you could touch, taste, and smell via the Internet too.  Then there would be even less real interaction between people.) 

The only problem is that I'm clueless about programming. That's my brother's domain. He got the "good at everything genius" gene while I got whatever was left over.  He makes tons of money creating iPhone apps that are recognized worldwide and the most I can do is download photos to friends and family.  Sure, I could ask him for help but that would require him to give some of his time to a someone who is not gay and hairy.  I don't know if the Bear clan allows that.

But at least my near all nighters gave me chance to witness the perfection that is Olivia Newton John when Xanadu just happened to be playing on TV then.  Not only is she the epitome of ethereal beauty but can she sing, dance, and glide effortlessly on rollerblades.  And, as if that isn't enough, she solves everyones problems without ever telling them what to do.  You see, ironically enough, the main protagonist had a design dilemma too.  He couldn't paint an album cover to his boss's satisfaction so a muse from Heaven (Olivia) comes down to lead him to Gene Kelly just sitting on a rock on the beach, and they join forces to open a revolutionary, rollerskating nightclub that celebrates music from  both the 40's AND the 80's.  Just what the world needed.

But maybe I needed it too.  Maybe it was there to show me that my blog design woes are just a prelude to something bigger in the universe for me as well.  I mean, I DID choose a beach background for this site and I AM going there tomorrow.  I'll  have to keep a lookout for a dapper old man who likes to endlessly reminisce about the past to anyone who happens to walk by. Wait, that sounds like my father...  Oh my God, I bet I'm going to see a little girl  rollerblade at the park there,who looks like me, (who is really my daughter yet to be born), who will look at me and giggle before disappearing around the corner. Then, my father will show up, we'll go to The Salty ROCK restaurant to shoot the breeze and be inspired to write a sentimental yet funny fictional book on  family dysfunction complete with it's own Broadway soundtrack. Woah!

I just hope my "little girl" doesn't break into singing Magic.  That would just be too bizarre. There's only one person who can do that song justice and she does one mean shimmy to boot as well. Thanks, Olivia, for giving all us white girls hope too.

Olivia Newton-John Magic 1980 On The midnight Special - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7WPwH8Rd6g

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