Countdown to the Ohio trip is T minus two days! Ahhh, the lower humidity, lighter traffic, houses that aren't crammed together, the faint whistle of a train rolling in the distance, the smell of flowers that actually bloom, the expanse of real green grass on yards that cover more than five square feet ... My in-laws,(knots in my shoulders growing tighter.) My brothers and sister-Ugghhhhhhh!!! We're family. We love each other. I can handle that?
I'm looking forward to seeing my adorable nieces, little E's grimace, shiny, happy faces greeting us, and all of the old haunts from the past. But then there's also a huge, slobbering Labrador that will knock down our boys every time they dare to walk past her, awkward pauses mid conversations, drunken reunions that bring back childhood insecurities, and the usual, unmet expectations that leave me disappointed when my sister-in-law is now more a part of my siblings lives than I am. You see, as the only sober one who wasn't overly self absorbed and/or materialistic, I never quite fit in with them. Add to that the fact that I've lived in Florida, near our beloved parents, for the past seven years, and I just can't seem to infiltrate their inner circle.
Good Lord, my optimism is as inspiring as the BP oil leak damaging the fragile ecosystem in the gulf waters. This is going to be fun, right? Yes, IT IS goddammit! Dysfunction ain't got nothin' on me. I eat dysfunction for breakfast. Yeah. I stomp it out just like Smokey the Bear prevents a forest fire. Yeah. I spit on it and laugh in it's face. Yeah!(Not really, I can't spit and find it extremely disgusting, so I wouldn't really do THAT.) But, BRING IT ON anyways!!
It's times like these that "Hang on Sloopy", (The OSU theme song engraved in the hearts and minds of every Buckeye alum), has mysteriously surfaced from my subconscious. How fitting. Feeling stressed? Sing along and don't forget to add in the arm spelling when shouting out the O-H-I-O refrain. Hell, I might just pull it out if things go south during the big 4th of July BBQ. It has a way of bringing everyone together. They'll be so proud because they'll think I'm liquored up for a change. My brother-in-law will win his bet for once. It's that or we just plan on going out of the country to France next year like one of my brothers has decided to do this year. Happy Independence Day!
BEFORE (The traditional instrumental pep rally version)
AFTER (The sloppy alternative after-The-Buckeyes-won-and-everyone's-ready-to-party version complete with words. The Smashing Pumpkins at The Newport. A favorite OSU campus hangout where all the cool bands play and Halloween is an event to be celebrated to the fullest.)
*For more information on why Ohio is the only state that rocks*
Ohio's State Rock Song - Hang On Sloopy - Ohio History Central - A product of the Ohio Historical Society
