Mission Impossible

Scene: It's 3 o'clock at Pine View Elementary School in the middle of Independence pod where you are surrounded by a crowd of mothers and teachers anxiously searching for signs of a group young children who's whereabouts are unknown. In front of you are three trapezoid shaped tables covered in fake cherry laminate. On the surface is a cheap aluminum tray loaded with baggies filled with large quantities of unidentified white powdery substances. To your right is a small kitchen complete with pots, pans, and a stove for "cooking". There's an intangible uneasiness swirling in the air and you sense that chaos is waiting to descend like a tornado into your otherwise calm existence. Suddenly, the sharp notes from the theme song for Mission Impossible wrap around your thoughts.

Your mission should you choose to accept... Rally a group of twelve 8 year olds to mix sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla, and heaps of flour into one tiny bowl to form a lump of perfectly blended sugar cookie dough. Warning: they are not skilled in breaking eggs, using an electric mixer, taking turns, or logical thinking. Be careful not to get flour on their clothing. Their parents will be annoyed. You must also do all of the dishes by yourself just like in real life as children shouldn't have to learn to cleanup after themselves in an educational setting. You have 20 minutes, so get your ass in gear and don't forget to have fun dammit!

I'm so glad I decided to volunteer for cooking club. If I can't figure out how to get these bratty girls to work together as a team, then I think we should just settle for the cookie dough and forget the cutouts. I mean, what better time to teach these young ladies that the dough, on it's own, is good enough? Hell, they don't even need to make it themselves. They can just go out to any grocery store and pick up a roll, (not a tub, that can be dangerous) and use it judiciously when the occasion presents itself. For example, in a young woman's youth, it's great for recovering from a broken heart or for making cookies for when your trying to snag that new guy. Then, if you should have children down the road, just chuck some m&ms or chocolate chips in the mix and presto, you've got quick and easy cookies after school. They'll think you're the best and be none the wiser.

There's also no shame in going the store bought route either if baking isn't your thing. As a matter of fact, schools these days don't even allow homemade goodies due to the hypochondriacs out there. However, this option is acceptable for most other social events. If it makes you uncomfortable, just package them in your own decorative tin and most people won't be rude enough to ask whether or not you actually made them. It's really okay though to leave them in the store containers. People will appreciate your honesty and respect that fact that you're secure enough in your own strengths to not worry about creating a false front.

Listen, baking can be an enjoyable hobby for some,(every year I look forward to making and decorating a custom cake for my boys), but sometimes you don't have the time to put forth the effort. My advice is to always have an impressive stock recipe you can count on, in your back pocket, for the really special occasions. Otherwise, keep your daily life as simple as possible. You'll be busy enough with all your other responsibilities and if taking a few shortcuts allows you to spend more time with the ones you love then go for it.